Hello Everyone!
As we entertain this season, language is likely to come up. El día de acción de gracias, la novena, la navidad etc. invites many well meaning family member’s opinions on our language choices and relationship with our children. So, how do you respond resiliently, to set up your child’s lifelong skill of self advocacy?

Sorry, no answer, I can just share my experiences and hope for the strength to strive forward.

Two years ago I got an invite to Thanksgiving, but “only if you speak English to our child in front of “the family””, you know, to make everyone else feel good. I think I threw my head back in laughter and then breathed fire in my response, something like that. I uninvited myself by asking my family member to refrain from interfering in my relationship with my child, and asked if they prefer we attend as we are, or stay home.
This was actually a very hurtful conversation, but my response I now know was very courageous considering it was one of my parents making the request. I think it is extremely important when raising bilingual children to think about how you will react to these circumstances at the table, the park, in school etc. . I feel the need to encourage all of you to be very strong in maintaining your relationship with your child in the language in which that relationship lives-this by no means restricts how you or your child relate with others, but given that my boy is quite young, I was and continue to be very concerned about the day when he realizes that his language is not a sign of power and achievement but of something reserved for the privacy of intimate relationships, if at all.
I did go to Thanksgiving that year, and I did not change my interaction with my child to make any full bodied adult any more comfortable with me or my child. Mission accomplished!
Now…las novenas. In the Colombian culture of ex-pats in our group, La novena happens through round robin in everyone’s living room. La novena is ONLY done in Spanish, and the non-Spanish speakers, when it is their turn, they take it and read in Spanish. This is a beautiful sign of trust and curiosity, of appreciation and joy. Comprised mostly of Colombians, and a few North American boyfriends or husbands, these guys read el Padre Nuestro, Ave María and los gozos electively, and with such positive joy. We have no language policy during La novena, but everything that means anything happens in Spanish. After the novena, we then share villancicos in both Spanish and a few in English, but this time of joy is so flexible and unprovoking, filled with food, laughs, dancing and drink, unlike Thanksgiving. This is also a time where the multilingual children have an opportunity to share with each other in Spanish, enjoying a cultural/religious activity that has grown more significant to their immigrant parents and is enjoyed by all. Many of the children at la novena, do not have the benefit of a bilingual education and struggle to make sense of the readings, but non-the-less, are in a place of absolute trust and they all try and we celebrate!
So then comes Christmas. By now, my parents are very clear on “what we do” as a family and the roles have reversed as I have become a parent, and my own parents are less likely to try to parent me around parenting my child. As long as we stay in the nuclear family, we are usually okay, but bring abuelita from Colombia and then someone is going to feel left out and use language as the reason. I get it….I am patient and respond lovingly-you should too (but still hold your ground).
Point to you all today is, you do not have to change the relationship with your child to make anyone more comfortable, not at the park, not at the table. It has nothing to do with demonstrating respect for others and has everything to do with your relationship between you and your child. I have weathered these conversations many times, and in the end I realize that it is an opportunity for everyone to get to know me more. I am not an ethnic minority, my language is not a marker from which I might experience discrimination, and so I do not carry that with me. My husband, would have a very different response to mine, as many of you might. Our jobs as parents of multilingual/multicultural children is to show them that they have something to teach as well as something to give and learn, and part of this gift is the gift to teach from a young age about the character of a person. For me, it is an act of justice.
Happy holidays to everyone-hope it is safe, llena de esperanza y alegría.